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You get so wasted you think you see Justin Trudeau paddling up to your dock. It seems like a good idea at the time, but you wake up the next morning and realize he posted his mixtape on all of your social media feeds. You end up tipping over after about 10 minutes, and your immediate concern is losing the beer, not losing your life. All illustrations by Adam Waito. Slainte mhath, motherfuckers!!

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Except, later, after you get too wasted at a high school house party, your one responsible friend brings you home and your mom ends up holding back your hair while you puke and she cries while wondering where she went wrong with raising you.

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Dorm Room Drunk Getting drunk in a dorm is an elaborate game to see who will pass out first so you can draw penises on their face in permanent marker. You will at one point take off your flannel you will be wearing flannel and commit a crime. But those experiences were so long ago, and I now remember the mid-aughts distantly through the misty accretion of memory. Graduation Drunk Celebratory drunkenness is some of the best in life.

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